Tuesday, May 11, 2010

“Uncle Buddy’s House”, Chapter 49: no cigar, pt. 2

Buddy finally has an evening alone with Cordelia, even if he has had to fly up to Vancouver to achieve it...

(Click here to see to our previous chapter, or click here to go to the first chapter of Uncle Buddy’s House©. “So hot I had to take numerous cold showers while reading it. And I hate cold showers.” -- J.J. Hunsecker, in Cavalier.)

This time they took the elevator, and no one else was in it, which made Buddy want to kiss her, and he did. She hadn’t reapplied her lipstick, so they didn’t have to go through their usual wiping-off ritual. She’d kept her hair down and he ran his fingers through it. She drew back and looked at him. The elevator stopped at the ground floor and they separated as the doors opened. And here they were in this bright busy hotel lobby.

“So,” said Buddy, “where should we go?”

“Anyplace except Fred’s Uptown Tavern.”

“Ah, the first A.D. and the gang?”


They went outside onto Georgia Street, the rain had tapered to a light windy drizzle.

Buddy said, “Do you want to just walk till we find some place that looks good?”

“Not in these shoes,” she said.

“Ah. Dig it. Okay, let’s grab a cab, I know some cool places. Or at least I used to.”

“All right, but nothing too fancy this time. I just want like a burger or a pizza, okay?”

“You got it.”

“Do ya know this place called the Yaletown Brewpub, Brewhouse?” Buddy asked the driver.

“Yaletown Brewing Company?”

“That’s it.”

“Sure. Down in Yaletown.”

“Okay, take us there, please.”

“Yes, sir.”

They settled back. Cordelia leaned against him, holding his arm. Buddy watched the buildings pull by through the wet taxi window. Then she put her hand on his face, and he turned to her.

Some time later Buddy asked the driver to stop, and the guy said it was one more block to the place. Buddy said he knew that, but they would still like to stop here. He got out first and gave Cordelia his hand as she got out. She kept her hand in his as the cab drove off. It was a street of what used to be warehouses, converted into shops and apartment buildings.

“Why did you ask him to stop here?”

“Because of this.”

He brought her hand down to his crotch.

“Oh,” she said.

“I figured I better walk this off before I go into a public place.”

“I hope you’re able to walk,” she said.

“Oh, I’ll manage.”

But there wasn’t anyone else on the block so he put his arms around her and kissed her. He pulled back and looked at her. Tiny raindrops landed on her face and stayed there.

“Hey,” she said, “it’s not going to go away if you keep that up.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, but then he started kissing her again. Her raincoat was open, and he put his hand on her breast. They were standing in front of some sort of fancy shop selling home furnishings, fortunately it was closed.

He drew away from her now just a bit, and he slid his hand down to her butt.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay what?”

There was an alleyway next to the shop, wet cobblestones and bricks.

“Let’s go in that alley,” he said.

She looked at him and one of her eyebrows arched up. They both just stood there for a couple of seconds, breathing more deeply than usual.

“Okay,” she said.

They walked in a little way, into the dark, he put his hands inside her raincoat. Her body felt really warm.

“I thought we were going to eat,” she said.

“Yeah, right. But wait a minute.”

They made out some more, and then he got his hand in under her dress, into her underwear.

“Oh, no,” she said.

“Do you mind?”


She groaned, and he kept doing it.

“Hey,” she said.


“I don’t know,” she said.

He pulled her underwear down off her butt.

“What are you doing?” she said.

“Get these off,” he said. “I mean, if you want to.”

She looked at him, then, putting one hand onto his shoulder she thumbed the panties down and off, stepping out of and back into each high-heeled pump in turn. She slipped the panties into the pocket of her raincoat and Buddy put his hands under her dress and onto her hips and moved her rearward a step so that her back was against the damp old bricks.

“Put your arms around my neck,” he said.

She did that, and wriggled against him and looked into his eyes. Her mouth was open and she was breathing hard.

“Have you done this sort of thing before?” she said.

“What, in an alleyway?”

“In public places?”

“Oh sure, lots of times.”

He unbuckled his belt and undid the button.

“In alleyways?”

“When I could find them.”

He unzipped and got it out.

“God, you’re such an old pro.”

“Yeah, lift your leg up, sweety -- you gotta help me out a little here or I’ll throw my back out and we don’t want that to happen.”

He had both his hands under her butt, and he lifted her up off her feet.

“Oh, no,” she said.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she said, and one of her legs came up and around his hip and Buddy grunted and flinched as a high heel dug into his thigh.


“That’s okay,” said Buddy, and he really meant it, it had gotten him hotter, and he lifted her up some more and hitched her leg higher. “All right.”

“Wait,” she whispered, “you’ve got a condom, right?”

He stopped what he was doing.

“Oh fuck,” he said.

“You don’t?”

He let her down, her leg slid down the back of his leg.

“Oh, shit,” he said.

“You don’t.”

“I left them on the bed table. You don’t have any?”

“I don’t walk around with condoms, Buddy.”

“No, of course not.”

She put her head on his shoulder. They were both breathing almost as hard as if they really had had sex. Meanwhile it was still outside of his pants, and she put her hand on it.

“I should just give you a -- whatever.”

“All right,” he said.

And she continued to hold onto it, but she cocked her head up and looked at him. She was gnawing her upper lip again. Okay, the moment had passed --

“Wait, no, this is crazy,” said Buddy. “We’re going to get our asses arrested. Let’s go eat.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Yeah. Hey, turn around,” he said, and she did. He brushed off the back of her raincoat with his hand. “Okay,” he said, and she turned around again.

“Buddy --”

She glanced down to below his middle.


He looked down.


He put it away and zipped it in. It occurred to him that her panties were still in her raincoat pocket. Okay --

“All right,” said Buddy. “Let’s eat.”

(Thank God for beer, Buddy. Continued here, and until something does or doesn’t happen.)

(Kindly look to the right-hand column of this page for an unassailably up-to-date listing of links to all other available chapters of Uncle Buddy’s House™. Soon to be a major motion picture starring Humphrey Bogart as Buddy and Audrey Hepburn as Cordelia; a Warner Brothers Production, directed by Michael Curtiz.)


Unknown said...

Buddy. Listen,Chook.
I think it's just not Meant to Be.

Dan Leo said...

Ha ha. Note to Buddy: always keep at least one condom in your wallet, dummy!

Unknown said...

Really romantic: evening love among sprinkling raindrops on an empty street. A city girl's dream; Deborah Kerr can keep her pounding surf (think of the wet sand stuck in unlikely places.)

Either way, unrequited sex makes for an enthralling story, like unrequited love but...sexier.

Dan Leo said...

Kathleen, I'm totally with you re the rain-wet bricks and cobblestones versus the wet sand -- not that I have ever indulged in such shenanigans myself!

Bald Samson said...


Unknown said...

Are there mosquitos in Vancouver?

Dan Leo said...

Di, I think there are even mosquitos on the moon. At any rate Buddy better zip that thing up!

Unknown said...

It's hard being a man!

(and btw, that clip of Anita and Little Jazz is incredible)

Dan Leo said...

Manny, I love Anita!